when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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