She's JV to your varsity
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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