If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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