doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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