You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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