matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
