Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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