gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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