I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
