Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
