Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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