and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
