Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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