Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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