He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
