So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
