somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
