jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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