Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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