I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
