SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
