some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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