You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
