Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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