you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
