after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
