Cold hands, warm shart.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
sarcasm needs its own font
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
