Having a random hookup so left but love u
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
