im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
