I want to make a zoo with you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
