i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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