Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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