I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
