1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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