Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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