I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's paint friendship bongs
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
