There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
