Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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