just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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