i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My feet surprised me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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