is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
