im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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