butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
