He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
