Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
