I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
