what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
