You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
