Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
