I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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