I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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