i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
