it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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