as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Shame is for Republicans.
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